Everything

It's been WAY too long since I've posted here.  I just kept thinking...everything is going along pretty much the same as it has been, so I don't really have much to write about.  I don't like to write just to take up space on a page.  But a few things have happened, so here we go.

Since October (when I last posted), I broke up with my boyfriend of about 5 years.  It took me a long time to make myself do so.  After all, my life has been ALL about loss since about 2007-08 or so.  It's been kind of a blur of loss:  leaving my abusive ex, divorce, my father dying of cancer, not to mention getting laid off and plunged into this horrible recession where I was unemployed for two years or so while looking for work, and am now severely underemployed and looking for work.  See?  I told you it was a lot to deal with.  You might be saying to yourself, "So, what's another loss among so many others?"  But no, it doesn't work that way.  You don't truly get used to it.  So, breaking up with my boyfriend still felt like someone had pulled my guts out through my nose.

Now I am on what seems like the 12th round of begging for my job from one of my employers who likes to make me beg.  

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT the begging type.  


It's just that I am not even barely getting by and they know it.  I am also trying to gently drag them (kicking and screaming) into modern methods of marketing and they are not having any of it.  (Never mind the fact that I have several potential excellent income sources for their business eagerly awaiting information.)  I suspect they will return to doing everything by running around like crazy and doing some begging of their own.  They have admitted this method has not been very successful.  I don't need a crystal ball to see that they are trying to gently drag me (kicking and screaming) back into my previous state of being more underemployed than I am currently.  

So, you might be wondering what I've been doing differently to find work.  And yes, I have actually tried something different, now that you mention it (sort of).  I recently visited  a social services office that is opening in my area.  I actually printed out a letter explaining in detail the severity of my situation, and included a copy of my resume.  I literally handed it to a woman who was in a casual staff meeting there at the time (no receptionist had been hired yet).  She was in the middle of talking about how they could help people, when I quietly interrupted and handed her my information.  So it was that a few days later this same woman contacted me to meet with her there, and at that time I literally poured my heart out:  I am desperate and have looked EVERYWHERE (even down in Atlanta) for work, to no avail!  Please help!  


She nodded and smiled pleasantly as if I had just told her that I like chocolate (or something similarly unrelated and unimportant).


The woman assured me that she would let others there know about my situation and would call me back, so as to not leave me hanging.  A few days later, the call did not arrive...instead she sent me a brief email message, advising me to continue looking for work using the same methods I have been using since 2008.  (What's the definition of insanity again?)

In short, I feel like I have an invisible label on my forehead that reads, "Do Not Hire".  I suspect that the situation is much closer to something like this:  if my last name was Zook, or Stoltzfus, or anything else remotely German, I would be happily employed by now.  But no, I am not from here.  You would think by the way I have been treated in almost every local interview that I was from another planet.  Perhaps I should consider beginning all interviews with, "I come in peace!"

So, that's everything that's been going on.  Well, the main points, anyway.  You don't want all of the tiny, jigsaw-puzzle-like details.  The main things will give you the big picture.  I need to try to focus on all of the things I have instead of the many I don't, but that's about as easy and as comfortable as breaking up...