I Don't Care

It's taken me over 40 years.  I don't know why it's taken me so long, but I think it's a good thing.  (I have deja-vu as I write this...maybe because earlier today I envisioned myself writing this.)  Finally, finally, FINALLY!  (Whew!) - I've come to the conclusion that I DON'T CARE.

There's a lot to not care about, too.  The world wants me to believe that I have to be so much more or less than I am, when who and what I am is perfectly fine.  I need no alterations, improvements or upgrades, thank you.  So I no longer care about most things in life that are basically just dead ends, or fool's gold because they add stress to my life that has no business being there and they keep me from appreciating myself and my life as it is.

This is not to say that I have a smooth, seamless, pothole-and-detour-free life, because that's just not true.  This does mean that I no longer care about things that do not require my attention, particularly in the way that most TV ads would have me believe.

The first thing that came to me to put on my list of things to not care about is my weight.  Sure, I can hop on the scale every day and see the number go up and down regardless of how healthy my eating and exercise habits are, and I can feel horrible about myself for not being able to figure out why eating that salad and drinking that green tea made me gain two pounds in one day.  But WHY?!  Why should I bother?  What a complete and utter waste of time and emotional energy.  I don't care.  I'm healthy, I'm strong.  I'm beautiful and I have lovely, soft curves.  I don't have any desire to squeeze my normal-sized figure into an abnormally small bathing suit only to look like an overstuffed chair and feel like a walrus.  I want to be comfortable and to be ME, so the next time I go swimming, I will wear a swim shirt and shorts.  

The next thing I don't care about is keeping things perfect around the house.  Yes, I'm grateful for where I live and yes, I do keep things reasonably clean.  But I used to hate myself for not having a house like my mother's, who is one of those people who can keep something clean by staring at it - sheer force of will.  She's like a cleaning superhero, or something.  I am reasonably organized, but I am NOT going to be her.  It's just not going to happen, short of a miracle.  I color outside the lines.  My house looks very lived in, and I am not going to berate myself mentally for not being someone else.  

Another thing I don't care about is dating.  Of course if God sends the RIGHT person (not the sort-of-right person, the "Oh, you'll do person", or any other variation thereof), that's another story (and another blog entry or ten).  I think about it.  I ponder it.  I turn it over in my mind all different directions like a 3-D puzzle, and I always come back to the fact that I don't need the stress or the drama.  I'm still on a dating site...just not signed up completely.  If I start to care more about it, I'll take it off my List and sign up, but for now...meh.

I also don't care about having a regular schedule for things.  Certain things cannot be done without a set day and time  (interviews, dentist appointments, etc.), but everything else can go out the window.  I will get it done when I get it done, and that's that.  It WILL all get done, but on my non-schedule.  If it doesn't all get done today, I re-label the list for the next day and, ta-da!  New list, new day, new way to avoid stress while still getting things accomplished.

I'm sure there are many more things I don't care about, but for now I'm sure you get the idea, and besides, I'm seriously considering having Second Dinner and staying up late.  There IS one thing I care about at the moment, however.  I'm wondering what you think of this blog entry and if there are any things you don't care about, too.  Feel free to let me know...