Blossoming

When I was married to my abusive ex-husband (he left his marks only on my heart and mind), my creativity withered and almost died.

It has been about five years out from the divorce and I am just now doing the work I needed to do after the papers were signed. I didn't want to deal with anything. My job was outsourced, I had just bought a house, and my father was dying of the epidemic called Cancer.

Now I am remembering who I am and discovering who I am, at the same time, since I am not exactly the same person I once was. You can't go through such a "marriage" and not come out the other side of it changed.

I used to say to myself, "I would like to do this or that." Painting, writing a book, etc. Anything through which to express myself and my creativity. But the weight of my situation and his condemnation made breathing seem inconvenient, so let's just say I wasn't quite there yet. At all.

I used to have dreams of being in an old house where everything was familiar, but dark and gray and dreary. Somewhere along the line of the dream I would discover a part of the house that was bright and cheerful and wonderful. It was new and very familiar all at the same time. I loved it! It was part of my house all along. It was part of me. It was the part I am just now entering, and I am so grateful and blessed.

Yes, I still hear the voices of the past in my head, but I am learning to counter them with the truth. I visit other blogs of other people who are swimming in their creativity and thriving because of it, and the old voice whispers, "Good for them, but you can't do that."

Yes, oh YES I can.

I might not do it the "proper" way, but it will still be an expression and a reflection of me. Art is more beautiful that way, if you ask me. Technique is a tool to make art more precise, and that's great - but art from the heart is better. Anyone who has seen children's art will agree. It's organic and flowing and has a priceless freedom.

I am so happy to be in this place in my life with regard to all of these things. I look back on all of my yesterdays and find that none compare. My life is opening like a flower, and so am I. So beautiful!